I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
