My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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