i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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