Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
