is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
