So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
