she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
