if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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