How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
