I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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