Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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