Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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