I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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