We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
