is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
