so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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