I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
