i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
