im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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