I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
