I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
