It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
