did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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