The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
