She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
