nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
