If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
