i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
