I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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