You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
