Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
