I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
