I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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