I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
