they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
