I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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