I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
