i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
