I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
