worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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