The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
