I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
