Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
