you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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