WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
