Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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