I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
