i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
