I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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