she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
