Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
