Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
