Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
