I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
