God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
