I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
