your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
