he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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